Posted by MD
  1. Type every word of your essay in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
  2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. Do not wet the VCR as this compromises your safety.
  3. Write the entire assignment on Post-it notes; hand it in by sticking them all over the professor''s door.
  4. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn''t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
  5. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
  6. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can''t do the paper because you''re not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists. When your teacher fails you, debate with him on the motion "Do As Exist". Ask him if he exists.
  7. If assigned a 2000-word essay, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
  8. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
  9. Hand in the essay by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor''s desk.
  10. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can''t turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an ''A''.
  11. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
  12. Hand in a letter you wrote to your cousin. Or aunt. Or grandmother.
  13. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
  14. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won''t see you until the next full moon.
  15. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
  16. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it''s nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
  17. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
  18. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style, and hand that in.
  19. Write your psychology essay on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
  20. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
  21. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn''t possibly express what you had to say.
  22. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
  23. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time. "Socks end of the world men cats allergies."
  24. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it''s only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
  25. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
  26. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
  27. Make your assignment one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-\|/??!]}.
  28. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving your essay and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There''s my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
  29. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
  30. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
  31. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky". Call Adolf Hitler "Asian Dude". Just for kicks :D
  32. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w''s whenevew you weawwy want to type r''s ow l''s.
  33. Ol, switch alound arr the l''s and r''s in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
  34. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
  35. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action".
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Posted by MD
A wise man once told me, if you get hated for being yourself maybe you should hate the haters back.

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Posted by MD
I wonder.

If anyone out there feels annoyed when you get chain mail that says:

"a whole bunch of touching stuff, blah blah blah, IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON, YOU WILL NOT GET INTO HEAVEN"

So you start wondering: since when does your getting into heaven depend on what you forward to your friends?

Who are you to say God won't be standing at heaven's gates staring at you and after reading your name, declaring:

"So you're the idiot who spams your friends' email by sending them messages supposedly in my name."

And then there's Facebook. There seems to be, for every religion out there, a chain status thingy that says if you believe in God, you have to post it up.

And I'm guessing somewhere out there there's one that says "If you don't post this up on Facebook you're not getting reincarnated."

I'm not saying I don't believe in God or am against the act of spreading the faith, but honestly, do you think spamming a friend's inbox will make them believe?

I don't know really.

I think it will touch them, perhaps. But then again, is it good social etiquette to pass on messages like these that could offend others?

What's your take on this issue?

Oh yes. I forgot.

And maybe for those who do not believe in the existence of higher powers you'll have this:

"If you don't post this on Facebook or forward this email, God will whoop your ass. If you're an atheist, you're gonna discover God very soon."

Evil smirk.

Note: This was not meant to be offending in any way.
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Posted by MD
I don't get Agony Aunt letters.

No, I don't mean that my mental capacities are that low, I meant that I don't get the people who wrote the letters to Agony Aunts. It just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, your problems can be solved with a little bit of common sense. Do you really need a complete stranger who probably doesn't give a shit about your life and who you are to state the obvious?

Or are you just enjoying seeing your problem in print?

Do you really sit down and calmly write a letter to the local Agony Aunt describing your problem in great detail yet not detailed enough for those close to you to identify you, then wait a month for Agony Aunt to reply your letter giving you advice before you decide on your next course of action?

I mean seriously, at this rate, even I can be an Agony Aunt.

Check this out.

(Letters taken at random from the internet and edited slightly)

Dear LoudR,

I have been friends with this guy for about two months, I’ve liked him a lot since I met him but I refused to say anything as he has a girlfriend. We’ve been flirting a lot and the other day he told me that he also likes me, I also told him that I liked him but he has a girlfriend so nothing can happen.

He asked me to kiss him which I’m almost ashamed to say that I did, then left. After he sent me a text saying that he was sorry if he made everything weird between us but he couldn’t hide how he felt and he didn’t want to jepordise our friendship but had to tell me. I replied that it hadn’t made anything weird and that we could still be friends. Since then we’ve spent a lot of time together revising for exams and talking getting to know each other better. I’ve made it clear where I stand with the fact he has a girlfriend.
He’s told me that things haven’t been going well with his girlfriend and that he’s just trying to find a way to break up with her without hurting her too badly and that he doesn’t want to mess me about.

I’ve asked my friends what I should do and they say to stay clear of him as he’s either using me as a replacement for his girlfriend who’s at a different university, or that I can’t trust him as he’s cheating on her and could do that to me in the future. I understand what they’re getting at but he has been nothing but honest with me since I met him and I trust him.

I feel really wrong and guilty about him having a girlfriend, but I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to push him away. How should I handle this?
In Love

Dear In Love,
It's obvious that this guy is a jerk. He has a girlfriend and yet he's trying to send you 'messages'. If he really did like you, he would break it off with the girl and court you like the way a man should.

And there's something wrong with you. I mean, kissing the guy when he already has a girlfriend? AND you only know him for two months? If he ever grows the balls to break up with his girlfriend and get together with you, you would be branded as a man-stealer for LIFE. So please, get a grip on yourself and move on, he is obviously just a waste of time.

Who's to say you won't be the next "girlfriend with whom things aren't working out"?

Dear LoudR,
I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now but I don't feel the same as I did towards her anymore. Little things are annoying me and I'm just not happy. We are looking to move in together which I really dont want to do because I know it will be a nightmare. I'm not sure whether to ride it out or end it. I don't want to hurt her.
I used to have commitment issues and we have split over these before. We got back together because I really did love her but its less than a year since that and now I'm doubting whether I want a future with her. She will think its a commitment ‘thing’ again but it isn't.
Any advice would be great.

Dear Confused,
DUH. Break up with her. Who cares whether it's commitment issues or not? You can't live with her, and you've been with her for two years. Seriously man, save yourself the drama and just end it.

Dear LoudR,
There's this boy I like but if I ask him out and he says 'no' I`ll be so so so embarrassed. How should I ask him out?
Afraid of Embarrassment

Dear Afraid,
Girl, gather your guts and just ask him! If you like him who gives a shit about embarrassment? If you don't try you'll never get your hands around your man!

Dear LoudR,
I am 14 and I have a normal life but I am starting to get really unhappy because all my mates have boyfriends and I do not. No, I'm not the ugliest girl in school and many boys do like me, but I just have no fellings for them.
All my mates have had sex and I haven't! I realy want to but I want to find someone special to me that will make me happy. How can I get more boys to like me?

Dear Help,
Getting more guys to like you will NOT help in getting you laid. That is because the boys your age most likely still have their squeaky voices and that is a big turn-off. And like you said, you want to find someone special, so wait. Be patient! Plus, you don't need a man to introduce you to the pleasures of sex. There are many other ways that you can explore on your own (I shall not elaborate as I intend to stay family-friendly on this blog)

So there! Anyone planning to employ me as the next Agony Aunt for their newspaper? Leave a comment :D
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Posted by MD
1) Never do your homework after dinner.

2) Have dinner as early as possible.

3) A "project" is not homework. It is a piece of creatively organised torture. Homework is defined differently (See #4)

4) Homework is defined as "old-fashioned torture".

5) If listening to heavy metal makes termites chomp faster, does it make students do homework faster?

6) Swear at you teachers, it helps release stress XD

7) Always keep in mind that exams and homework destroys trees. Make "become an environment-crazy tree-hugger" your ambition and outlaw exams and homework!

8) Go online whenever possible and blog crazy stuff to stay sane.

Number eight is my favourite option :P
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Posted by MD
  • Play basketball on an outdoor court at 3.00p.m. barefooted.
  • Swim in a cave.
  • Tackle people twice your size.
  • Tackle people with bones that are sharp.
  • Sleep for only 2 hours and expect to be awake.
  • Broadcast to people that you eat a lot in a camp where people eat very little.
  • Collide face-on with someone's elbow
Take my advice. Been there done that.
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Posted by MD
LoudR will force Lazybones, Black and Mel to post up SOMETHING and hopefully, just hopefully (with all fingers crossed) the blog won't be so dead.

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Posted by MD
I am always amused by Black.

In his previous first post, Black seemed to have no qualms about Adam Lambert's guy on guy kiss. And now, he has issues with today's music. Yet I specifically remember him encouraging me to get my hands on Adam Lambert's lesser known singles.

I do not understand this dude.

BTW, I like What Do You Want From Me XD

And Black, I recommend just listening to the radio and putting up with the songs. Soon you'll just get numb of it.

Ooh there's a nice one. Numb by Linkin Park XD

What about some lesser known songs? Go ask JM. Thanks to him I've been introduced to heavy metal (Slipknot; Children of Bodom), Christiany songs (Anberlin), and well, my favourite: LINKIN PARK!

Or old school rock: Aerosmith XD

Or just basically any weird songs you come across on the radio, or on the internet.

So don't be like Black, open yourself up to today's music!!! Woooh!

(I like being Black's Pakatan Rakyat XD)

Now, I shall AUTOMATICally stop talking that BLAH BLAH BLAH =)P

Lame. I know.
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Posted by Black
Turn on the radio, and most of the English songs you'll hear are standard American pop -- similar-sounding, yet insanely addictive. Take, for example, Lady Gaga and her noises. Or Britney with her creaking. There are, of course, exceptions, but not many.

And of course, unless you live under a coconut shell with Frogger, you'd have heard of Glee. Which costs 3 million USD minimum to make per episode. Don't Stop Believing by the Glee cast (Lea and Cory) has been playing on the radio. Btw, it's my second-favourite version of the song. My favourite version is by Sam Tsui on Youtube. Unfortunately, Glee just does covers of songs, not write their own tunes, so it can get a bit weary sometimes.

Basically, the problem with the radio is that there just isn't much variety. So people usually

(1) choose a band, say Muse or Paramore, and just listen to their other lesser-known songs.

(2) choose genres, say Instrumental or Heavy Metal, and listen to whatever song sounds good.

(3) go back in time, and tune in to the 60's, 70's, 80's and the 90's.

I have attempted, mildly, all of the above. And I am now a fan of U2, Phil Collins and Broadway music. But. It gets old.

So, I discovered, thanks to the Internet, the British music scene. Previously, I had heard of Duffy, Amy Winehouse and Leona Lewis, but just only through a couple of songs on the radio. Then I discovered Adele and Lily Allen. Adele actually won a Grammy for best new artist and another Grammy for her single Chasing Pavements. But I have to add, though, that Chasing Pavements is a very emo and unhappy song. Too unhappy for me.

Lily Allen, on the other hand, I love. Some of my friends know that, especially after I forced them to listen to her :P. Her songs are so quirky and cheerfully vulgar, like the wryly named F*ck You (apparently aimed at George Bush) and Alfie. Then there is the more famous and very happy Ldn. And, of course, the emo song Smile (which Glee covered, but the original has more attitude). Not forgetting the dreamy The Fear.

Wow. That's a lot of hyperlinks.

And... she's pretty, don't you think? :P
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Posted by MD
PS: I'm still not quite sure what "confounder" means but I'm too lazy to check the dictionary.

Lazybones, I'm still confused. I'm sure most of us here agree with me XD

Too. Many. Words. Getting. Woozy.

*crash bangs slams*


Got any more riddles? XD

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Posted by Lii
Hey there, people!! LazyBones is back in action!!! Hmm, I see I'm overusing exclamation marks.....anyway...

I've got great news for you. I'm going to reveal the answer to my puzzle (yes, the old one posted weeks ago). If you're not really into abstract thinking, be prepared to get really muddled in your thoughts..

The first step you must take is to put 3 balls on each side of the scale. You might be faced with 2 scenarios, as the scale can either be imbalanced or balanced. I will start with the imbalanced scale first. I'll number the steps to prove that it can be done in two weighs (2 steps; you can use the scale twice), and so you know what's going on.

Imbalancedor Scenario 1
This tells you one thing: both defective balls have to be on the same side, otherwise it would appear as a balanced scale (one on each side).

1. Your first step (as shown above) would be to put 3 balls on each side of the scale. If it turns out imbalanced, remove all 3 balls on the heavier side, because you can bet on your life that there are no defective balls there.
2. Move one ball to the empty side (you removed 3 balls from there in the first step), hold one in your hand, and leave one the scale untouched. [If you're following the illustration above, move the black (shaded) ball over the empty side, hold the peach ball and leave the unshaded one where it is.]
Balanced: Both balls are on the scale
Imbalanced: The one on the lighter end of the scale is defective. The other one is in your hand.

There! The first scenario completed!!

And things get really messy now........refer to the diagrams as often as possible to avoid getting confused.

This type means that there is one defective ball on each side of the scale.

1. Remove one ball from each side.

There are two possibilities after step one: the scale can either stay balanced or become imbalanced. I'll tackle the balanced one first.

Scenario 2(a)

Balanced = Both defective balls have to be EITHER
a) One on each scale
b) Both removed, and are on the ground now

Step 2(a): Switch ONE ball from ONLY ONE side of the scale. [Illustration: Switch the blue ball on the scale with the blue ball on the ground.]

After switch
2. Imbalanced (the side you switched got LIGHTER): You replaced a normal ball for a defective one. BOTH DEFECTIVES WERE ON THE GROUND. Story ends here for this scenario.

2(a) Imbalanced (the side you switched got heavier): You switched the defective ball with a normal one. The pink one is normal.

2(a) Balanced : Defective ball is pink.

[How do I know?? Because both defectives have to either be on each scale OR both on the ground.
1. If both were on the ground, the scale would have become imbalanced right after swapping the blue balls, because that's what happens when you switch a heavier ball with a lighter one.
If the ball you swapped was defective itself, then BOTH defectives MUST have been on the scale (one on the other side) and the 2 balls on the ground MUST be normal. You would have caused the scale to become unbalanced, because that's what happens if you swap a lighter ball for a heavier one.]
More on this in scenario 2(b).

Still in step 2(a): You now know the type/condition of at least ONE ball from ONE side. In every scenario (except the one where "the story ended"), remove ONE BALL FROM EACH SIDE to find the other side's defective. Please rely on your imagination and common sense for this one.
(Eg: Remove the defective and another ball from the other side. If the scale is balanced, you know that you're holding both defectives. If scale is unbalanced, you're not stupid enough to not be able to tell which side is heavier or lighter.)

Scenario 2(b) [right after step 1]

The scale became imbalanced because the type of balls you swapped were different from those on the ground. Whatever the case, the lighter side has one defective, the heavier side has 2 normals. Remember, both defectives CANNOT be on the lighter side or you would've got scenario 1.

Step 2(b): This step is NOT related to step 2(a), so no switching of balls is involved. Remove both on the heavier side and shift one over to the now empty side OR remove one ball from each side.

Ta-daaaahhh!!! Now I hope you were smart/not blur enough to digest all that. Happy moping.

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Posted by MD
These are the reasons Cassandra and I made up together. Feminists unite! XD

PS: I shall stop posting such nonsense when my "colleagues" get back from their "leave".
PSS: This only applies to SOME guys. Not all guys. Ok Black?

God created Eve because...
1) Guys will only stand there while girls run around and do the unpleasant work.

2) Guys will make things harder for the girls while they run around doing the unpleasant work.

3) Guys will pretend to not know you when you knock over a bunch of pool cues. Girls (and nice guys) will help you pick them up.

4) Most guys are jerks/have been jerks in their lives.

5) Most guys would have made a girl cry at least once in their life.

6) Girls will not refuse to speak to their cousin of the opposite gender for 5 years because of something their aunt said.

7) Tell a girl to do something and it's done instantly. Tell a guy to do something and he either
a) puts it off until you do it yourself
b) does it wrong so you have to do it yourself anyway
c) does it so late you already done it yourself

8) Guys think their superior over girls.

9) All guys need girls.

10) It was part of His plan.

No offence to all you nice guys out there who think you've been stereotyped just because of those few rotten eggs.

Now... What was that Malay proverb again?

Don't get mad at me, Black. You don't suck XD
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