Posted by MD
Continued from previous post...
5) Use your time wisely and sleep if you have extra time on your hands. You need all the enrgy you can get for your next paper.

5) Drool on your paper.

6) Bring colour pencils for your Art paper.

6) Bring only three colours that happen to be blue, pink and some unknown colour when you're colouring humans.

7) Always bring thread and protractor for Geography exams.

7) Use your shoelaces to measure curved lines - it doesn't work.

8) Let your teacher have a glimpse of your essay - if she's in a good mood she may correct you there and then XD

8) Cover your essay up with your hands. If she's like Pn. Chen, you may end up with your marks deducted...

9) Answer wisely when you don't know the answer for a question. A smart guess is better than leaving it blank.

9) This may be fun, but try your best to refrain from writing phrases such as "due to the lack of understanding of this question by both the examinor and the student, this question cannot be answered" or something like that. No offence XD

10) Write essays that contain a bunch of idioms when necessary as it helps you get marks.

10) Write essyas like (excuse the chinese): 如果女佣是一个小偷,就会搞到家徒四壁一塌糊涂鸡犬不宁。。。The main idea is to never ever put TWENTY-FOUR chinese idioms in one whole sentence, separated by commas only.

Yeah, 10 'smart' tips for PMR and exams. If I ever come out with more, heh heh...

Just you wait.

You always doubt my intelligence ~ Resident Loudmouth
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Posted by Lii
You should not, by any means, try this in school, UPSR, PMR, SPM, etc...I am not held responsible for any of your disgusting results if you failed your exam. =)

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"
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Posted by MD
A few simple tips guaranteed to make you smile.
Money back not guaranteed, legal action cannot be taken against us for deception.

Here goes...

1) Always bring extra paper into the room to draw on when you get bored.

1) Never ever write private things on that paper. You don't want your examinor to read "Dear Diary, today I met this cute guy...", do you?

2) Always bring in extra stationery.

2) Try your best not to throw your stationeries around when you're bored...

3) Go to toilet before the exams start.

3) Pee in class.

4) Swear silently under your breath if its necessary (eg you dropped a table on your writing hand [I really wanna know how you manage to do this] /your sumo-sized teacher conveniently stomped on your delicate foot)

4) Swear loud enough for the teacher to hear.

Part Two will be up soon. When I'm in the mood. Mel and Liiyung, add on extra tips as Part Two and Three and so on, ok?

Resident Loudmouth who currently resieds on Cloud Nine, signing off!
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Posted by Melissa
We Write Anything
We DIDN'T Write Anything.

I guess the blog will be quite dead till after PMR.
Till then, there's a busy schedule up ahead!

Not to mention that studying has to be done...
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Posted by MD
Although this blog is co-owned by the three of us - namely Mel, Liiyung and I, somehow I have to do the updating. And Mel has only updated ONCE. Tsk tsk. Where is the teamwork?

So, I decided to update (after being prompted by Liiyung) (Liiyung grins and says "I'm persuasive") on HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE CRAZY AND SUICIDAL.

Mainly because I'm dying to share this piece of useless knowledge with you.

If you've been reading my other blog (including the rantings), you would know that there's something very wrong with me. And that the used-to-be crappy blog just turned emo and angsty.

I apologise for the mood shift. It'll back to normal soon, I hope.

10) You're doing crazy things (eg. speaking to yourself, having multiple personalities...).

9) You've seen a psychologist.

8) You've seen a psychiatrist.

7) You have mood swings.

6) You feel like crying everyday but you can't so you just fake a smile and move on with life.

5) You're different from your normal mood, except if you're normally emo, then you'd just be emo-er.

4) You're preoccupied with the morbid thoughts of death.

3) You're asking yourself: "What happens after death? Does heaven really exist? If it does will I go to heaven? Will I simply just cease to exist? How does it feel like to simply not exist? Will I be forgotten? How can I go dramatically? Which is the best way to go? Will it hurt if I cut myself there? How do I make the pain go away? Will I see a bright light at the end of the tunnel? Or will I just POOF away? Will I see God?" (This is if you're really suicidal or something like that - if this is happening to you I suggest you seek medical attention. Either that or you have an overly curious mind and is planning to confuse the world with everything you say, ask or do.)

2) You're doing this: "You're such an idiot. You should have never done that in the first place." "But if I didn't we won't be friends in the first place." "Now you're no longer trustable." "But I never told anyone." "You're a traitor." "I take the stand of a neutral party." "Where do your loyalties lie?" "I have no loyalties." "Jangan duduk di atas pagar, lama-lama jatuh kena anjing gigit." "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" (If this is happening to you it may be a sign of Multiple Personality Disorder - go see a psychiatrist. Or you could have an overactive imagination and is planning to write a psychological thriller when you grow up.).

1) You're reading this post.

TEEHEE! I got you, didn't I?

Heh. If you happen to be reading this post, and think that I need professional help, don't bother leaving a comment. If you happen to be a psychiatrist/psychologist who think that you can help me, don't bother leaving a comment either. I'd rather not know of your existence.

The rest of you out there, start letting us know that you're out there! Leave stuff in our CBOX! Comment on our posts!
*Especially if you're crazy and want to share your experience with me.
**Or if you think that you're going crazy.
***Or if you enjoyed this post.

Second longest post.
I think that this is now the longest post.

~out, Resident Loudmouth:Zi Ying~
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