Posted by MD
This post is dedicated to Mel, and shall be one of my writing exercises, and a good way to use my overactive imagination creativity. Why thirteen tips? Because I like the number thirteen. XD

HOW TO FINISH A CAN OF LIGHT WHIPPING CREAM WITHOUT CAUSING WASTAGE

Tip #1
Bake as many cakes as you can. Ice the cakes with LIGHT whipping cream. Make sure you finish ALL the whipping cream. Give the cakes you can't eat to charity.

Tip #2
Insert whipping cream into your daily diet until all the cream has been finished. Eg. creamed milk, creamed biscuits, creamed ham and egg sandwich, creamed cream...

Tip #3
Use the cream to polish your shoes. It will leave a lovely off white-ish milk-ish colour and when you're hungry, you can always lick it off.

Tip #4
Wash your clothes with whipping cream. It will have a lovely wonderful trace of smell left.

Tip #5
Eat it. Just like that. LIGHT whipping cream contains a high amount of glucose BUT is low in fat and therefore makes it a perfect snack on the go. It makes you hyper, too.

Tip #6
Bathe in whipping cream. If bathing in full cream milk will give you a lovely, youthful complexion, bathing in LIGHT WHIPPING CREAM should give you the same results desired, if not better. And remember, since it's LIGHT, you don't have to worry about eating it by accident and gaining weight.

Tip #7
Paint walls. Like I mentioned before, whipping cream has a lovely shade of off white-ish milk-ish colour to it. Paint the walls of your school, preferably, with this lovely substance and you can spend the rest of your free time watching black dot-like ants climb up and down and up and down the wall.

Tip #8
Use it for self defense. This is a recipe which you can definitely use even if your whipping cream has past it's expiry date. Just make sure it's in the can. When a would-be rapist nears you, whip out your can of whipping cream and spray all the white foam-like substance onto the face of your would-be attacker. If that doesn't work, just throw the can at them. A much cheaper alternative to a can of pepper spray.

Tip #9
Use it as a prank item. Spray your teacher's car. Her shoes. Her table in the office. Fill her tyres with whipping cream instead of air. Spray it on the open palms of a sleeping person. Watch the fun.

Tip #10
Use it as a torture weapon. Spray cans and cans of whipping cream down your victim's throat and watch as they gasp for air and beg you not to kill them with this lovely cuisine.

Tip #11
Use it to condition your hair. The textures of this wonderful substance makes it ideal to be used to wash your hair with.

Tip #12
Feed your friend with it. She'll be eternally grateful XD

Tip #13
Use it for what you brought it for! In Mel's case, make macaroni cheese with it! You can never have too much of light whipping cream. Remember, waste not, want not. =D

Now, remember these helpful tips whenever you discover that you have too much light whipping cream in your kitchen,. Signing off,

~ResidentLoudmouth:ZiYing~
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Posted by MD
Top Ten Tips I Learnt After XXX Competition:

Tip #1: Break the rules. It doesn't matter, as long as you entertain the crowd you are loved.

Tip #2: Provide your own entertainers to keep the crowd happy when the judges are tallying the score. Refer to Tip #1.

Tip #3: It doesn't matter if you sound horrible. Just look pretty. Malaysian judges may be deaf, but they sure aren't blind.

Tip #4: Have cheerleaders join the choir. Run on stage with pom-poms. Wave at the crowd to get them all worked up and to make them feel involved.

Tip #5: Do toe-touches as you sing. Refer to Tip #4.

Tip #6: Wear a songkok regardless of your gender.

Tip #7: Make fun of the patriotic song you are singing (by dancing to it). It's very entertaining and you get a more appreciating audience.

Tip #8: Bribe the judges XD

Tip #9: Have a uniform in the colour that blends in the best with your backdrop. Judges LOVE that.

Tip #10: When hitting the highest note of Jalur Gemilang, do a split. The crowd goes wild with appreciation. The judges are impressed. And as you SCREAM IN PAIN, you'll probably hit a note never attempted before by mankind.

Ok. Business talk is,

HYC, we KNOW we're the best.

And we all know that Malaysian judges are shit.

out, Resident Loudmouth:Zi Ying:Ms Shoelaces Not Tied, HYC ROCKS
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