Posted by Lii
I see that there's some controversy over me figuring out the meaning of the video 3 days later. Please note that I understood the video right after JM and LoudR explained it to me. Ignore the part about that in the debate below. THREE days is just plain exaggeration. =)P

Thank you.
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Posted by MD
WARNING: THIS BLOG MAY CONTENT TRACE AMOUNTS OF ADULT CONTENT AND MAY OFFEND SOME READERS. READERS' DISCRETION ADVISED.

Firstly, Black, I would like to say : WELCOME TO THE BLOGGING WORLD OF WE DIDN'T WRITE ANYTHING!!!!!!! *ahem* Now that that's done, I'd like to remind you to label all your posts with your name (which is Black in this case).

Secondly, I do not agree completely with what you've posted in response to MY experiment post so this is my way of having a debate with you.

About The Performance
I was actually quite glad to see that Black agreed that the performance was rather explicit, well, 'cause if he didn't I'd be very very worried. But I do not agree that this whole huge controversy is over homosexuality.

Black, I don't know if you've actually watched the video, but the whole performance wasn't just about Adam Lambert smooching a male keyboardist. Well, in the first place, he was french-kissing the male keyboardist, AND the whole thing wasn't planned, AND the keyboardist is straight. So I don't find it accurate that you compare the Adam-Male Keyboardist kiss to the Madonna-Britney kiss. Which I don't think counts as lesbianism (more on this below)

The complaints about Adam Lambert's performance wasn't just about the french-kissing, it was also about the many random, obscene, disgusting things he done at the spur of the moment (yes, most of the disgusting stuff wasn't rehearsed, so imagine the dancers' shock). I will not elaborate on the details of his unrehearsed performance, but let's just say it went waaaaay further than kissing someone of the same sex.

I'm not homophobic, and I have no issues with guys holding hands, hugging or even kissing (not too sure on that one yet though, my opinion may change sometime in the future). But I do have issues with people performing/stimulating obscene sex acts in public (on TV). To me, this is not a homosexual controversy, 'cause frankly, I would have issues with the performance even if Adam Lambert was straight. Or it was performed by a girl. yes, even if it was by Lady GaGa.

So yeah. I think the world would NEVER be ready to see people perform "stuff" that should be done privately, in the comfort of their own bedrooms on National TV.

About The Song And It's Lyrics
The song For Your Entertainment indeed is extremely catchy (take it from someone who has it playing on endless replay in her brain). However, I do think that it's rather vulgar (or perhaps we made the mistake of reading the lyrics AFTER we watched the performance, it could have affected our conclusions).

However, I do not agree that it's "better" (better in what sense?) than the other current songs. I mean, sure Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, Madonna and even Shakira has some pretty "suggestive" songs, but at least their metaphor-ed, right? Anyone with half a sick mind would be able to guss that For your Entertainment was about rough sex.

I think that For Your Entertainment is vulgar-er than Britney Spears' If You Seek Amy, ALL of the Lady GaGa songs, and 3OH!3 songs. Maybe just as vulgar/suggesting as Shakira's She Wolf, but not as bad as Pitbull's Hotel Room Service and I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho). Therefore you can't say that it pales in comparision. As for if the lyrics would pollute a young child's mind, you decide that for yourself, because if you've read the "edit" at the end of the post on experiments, you'd notice that Lazybones DID understand what she saw in the video and what she read in the lyrics. THREE DAYS LATER.

Footnote: The claim that innocent children cannot understand the song at all cannot be tested because I do not want to use my 10 year old sister as a guinea pig.

Rebutted by, ResidentLoudmouth
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Posted by Lii
Hey, peepz, LazyBones in the house. Recently, there was a request from one of our curious readers to write about something we (boring authors) do on a daily basis. Well, just like you, I eat, sleep and breathe. Very honest answer, but you're not interested in that, are you? (Neither am I). Don't worry, I won't be writing anything that eeriely sounds like your biography. Instead, I'll be focusing on one of my disgusting hobbies, which involves the tongue.

Look at the post title once more. If you're exceptionally blur, you would probably picture a nutcase stuffing her tongue into a sharpener (I pity you people). For those with a more scientific approach, you'd probably think that I prefer eating tough food to train my tongue, thus making it sharper. While those sound like stupid amusingly interesting activities to do, I have to admit that I'm actually a very boring person. You see, all I do is let my tongue clash directly with others' (NOT french kissing). Just as warriors fight with their swords, I go for battles with my tongue. (Trust me, I'm not strong enough to fight against someone brandishing a sword). But the tongue does have its advantages.

Like the warrior, I can be capable of inflicting serious damage upon my opponents, with nothing but the edges of a swift tongue. More advantageous than the bow and arrow, the tongue can shoot words and strike the hearts and minds of it's target without ever missing a shot. With the grace and intelligence of the magician, the colourful words casted by the tongue are able to manipulate any situation. To conceal meanings and create disillusions would be just as easy as the thief's deception and evasiveness. With the words of the tongue, you can build a fort to block yourself from the dangers of the outside world, launch rockets into the sky or mastermind a massacre.

Now that you're familiar with the background of the tongue, you can finally motivate yourself to carry out intensive sessions of tongue-sharpening like me =D. And how do you do this? Well, I lash out at unsuspecting victims (I expect no less from you)...Let's face it, the more sharp-tongues there are around, the merrier. So now, I will introduce a list of insults you may use to replace your maledictions. No more expected "F you!"s from our readers. It's time we get a little creative.

Sticks and stones break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
[Keep this in mind, you’ll need it]

(Warning : thinking required) (I'm saying you're not smart enough to read the following)
1. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it before.

2. You must have a very low opinion of other people if you think that they’re your equals.

3. If we were to kill everyone who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder. It would be genocide!

4. Even your best friend lies to you and cheats on you. And that’s the best friend you’ve got.

5. You’re a prime candidate for natural deselection.

6. I think you have a room temperature IQ.

7. Aliens zapped that dude with a stupidity ray—twice.

8. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. Don’t worry, I told him not to act like a fool anymore.

9. People say you are the quintessential idiot. I don’t think you’re perfect, but you’re definitely on the right track!

10. We always know when you’re lying. Your lips move.

11. Your voice is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

12. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent and cultured.

13. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious, and you are all of them.

14. Max : I’m bored.
You : Keep talking, I’m getting there.

15. Tina : I think this dress looks great on me...
You : It’s okay. You don’t have to be so sarcastic to yourself.


I'm sorry, I wanted to add more (I have a longer list up to 50+), but I'm trying to get this on the school magazine. *Grins* It's so easy to make you upset. =D

Before you throw eggs at me for the incomplete list, *sticks out tongue and wags it*, I would like to wish everyone good luck at sharpening their tongues. If you're still blur on what I do up 'til now, please make sure your brain isn't in power-saving mode (I'm calling you stupid). Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can't take all the credit for myself (another insult, proving that I'm not the only one making a monkey out of you and calling you stupid).

LazyBones
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Posted by Black
After reading the previous post (the one dissing discussing Adam Lambert's public performance of For Your Entertainment), I just had to say something.

I agree that it was, well, a little too explicit to be shown on TV. After all, we don't want our children growing up smooching same-sex keyboardists, do we?

But, I've been reading up on this matter (since I AM writing a post about it), and I find it wickedly funny that lesbianism on TV is not censored. Take, say, Madonna's famous kiss with Britney Spears. I mean, it's not even hot: anything involving muscle-bound Madonna is plain scary, as this article so hilariously describes.

Oh, and about the song, I actually thought it quite catchy. The title, For Your Entertainment, reminded me a bit of Robbie Williams' Let Me Entertain You, which isn't very sexually charged (until I checked the lyrics, but that's besides the point XD). At least it's better than Britney Spears' "Amy" song, right?

The lyrics of For Your Entertainment also didn't seem particularly vulgar. Take other current artistes' song lyrics and compare; FYE may even pale in comparison. And besides, if the authorities believe that the lyrics would pollute children's minds, Lazybones' experiment proves it otherwise. Innocent children would not understand a single word.

Basically, this huge controversy is over homosexuality. It proves that the world is not yet ready to watch two males (or more, god forbid) snog publicly. Or perform other obcene moves, for that matter.

P.S. If you
[A] are a hardcore Madonna fan and would like to send me hate mail, please understand that I DIDN'T write anything.
[B] are Madonna and visited this site and read this post, may I have your autograph please? :DDD


IScribbleSparingly is not happy with admin rules.
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Posted by MD
Experiment One
Aim: To investigate if the newspapers were right when they said that Adam Lambert's performance on AMA was over-the-top.
Hypothesis: Adam Lambert's performance was over-the-top.
Procedure:
1) The idea of watching the video on Youtube was suggested by ResidentLoudmouth to Lazybones.
2) The video was viewed by both researchers and a discussion took place.
3) The observations were recorded.
Observations:
1) *the video contains adult content and shall not be discussed in detail here*
2) ResidentLoudmouth gave up watching after the second minute bcause she was grossed out.
3) Lazybones finished watching the video but didn't understand much of it.
4) "Guest researcher" JM gave some remarks that suggested that he found it gross as well. (his remark was 'EW')
Conclusion: The hypothesis was accepted. Adam Lambert's performance on AMA was over-the-top.

Experiment Two
Aim: To determine if the lyrics for the song For Your Entertainment were sexually charged as the newspapers put it.
Hypothesis: The lyrics were sexually charged.
Procedure:
1) ResidentLoudmouth and Lazybones got another "guest researcher" CK to read the lyrics with them.
2) The reactions of all researchers were observed and recorded.
Observations:
1) Lazybones: "Oh goodness!"
2) ResidentLoudmouth: "I DON'T WANNA WATCH ADAM LAMBERT EVER AGAIN!"
3) "Guest researcher" CK: "HOW THE HELL COULD HE SING THAT IN PUBLIC?!"
Conclusion: The hypothesis was accepted. The lyrics for the song For Your Entertainment were sexually charged.

Experiment Three
Aim: To attempt to make Lazybones understand everything she read and heard about the performance and the song.
Hypothesis: Lazybones is too innocent to fully understand everything even if it was explained to her.
Procedure:
1) ResidentLoudmouth and the two "guest researchers" JM and CK explain everything to Lazybones in detail.
2) Her reactions were observed and recorded.
Observations:
1) JM, CK and ResidentLoudmouth gave graphic explanations that shall not be reapeated here.
2) Lazybones dis not appeared to be extremely disturbed and the researches have reason to believe that this was because she was too innocent to understand.
Conclusion: The hypothesis was accepted. Lazybones is too innocent to fully understand everything and anything sick even if it was explained to her.

Edit by ResidentLoudmouth on 28/11/2009:
Experiment Three was an EPIC FAIL as Lazybones FINALLY managed to understand the whole video. THREE DAYS LATER. XD

Scientific reports by, ResidentLoudmouth XD
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Posted by MD
This is just a random short story. Please leave in the CBOX on whether you prefer to see more short stories or random crap from me in the future.

***

It was a morning as normal as any other. He was just about to leave for work when he heard it. The public announcement on the radio.

"... a nuclear missle is making it's way to Green Town due to an experiment gone wrong and is expected to hit in 13 minutes. All residents are expected to evacuate or to head for the nearest nuclear bunker. I repeat ..."

He had expected it; after all, he was living in an area that was only an hour's drive away from a nuclear testing ground. "Son! Go and get your siblings. We have to go to our bunker now. Hurry!" He shouted. He can't afford to panic now. Not now. Not at this moment.

His eldest son seemed to have understood that this was not any normal evacuation drill. He grabbed his siblings and together they packed as much foodstuff and drinking water as they could. Sure, they had food in the bunker, but it doesn't hurt to have more. Who knows how long they'd have to stay there?

He found his wife in the bedroom, packing her bible and the important documents they all would need if they survived this. He rushed to the safe and took out everything of value from it. They would need it when the world they now live in turns chaotic due to the missle. What with the droughts and the food shortage and all, money is what they would need most. apart from their lives.

His wife gave an unhappy sob and muttered: "The neighbours..." "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked, knowing perfectly well the thought that is troubling his dear wife. "The neighbours, they have no bunker, they will want to be let into ours. And... It hurts me to turn them down." "Sweetheart," he started, but paused as he searched for the right words to say, "they ridiculed us when we built a bunker. It's like Noah's Ark now. Noah didn't worry much for his neighbours, did he?" His wife shook her head slowly. "Come on now, we must enter the bunker."

They left the house and went to the entrance of their bunker. Just like his wife had predicted, their neighbous were shoving and shouting and begging to be let in. "Please, take my daughter, my only daughter, she is young..." "Please, take my son, he eats very little, you would barely notice that he's there..." "Please..." "Please..." The pleas from their neighbours brought tears to her eyes again, but he hardened his heart and pulled his wife into the bunker. The door slammed shut.

Even from inside the bunker, the muffled pleas of the people out there could be heard. When he turned his back on his wife for that split second, she threw open the door and ran out, leaving a young girl in her place. The man cursed under his breath. He glared at the young girl as though it was her fault that his wife left. He paced the room furiously, until he finally came to a decision. a decision he would never regret and never could regret.

He turned to his eldest son. "Son, you know exactly what to do, don't you? Consume the food and the water sparingly. And don't open the door ever again. Your duty now, is to keep yourself and your siblings alive." His son nodded, with tears in his eyes. He never once doubted his father. All the little ones hugged his father for that one last time. The man removed the wooden cross he wore on a chain around his neck and passed it to his son. he was passing on the torch. He said a silent prayer, and unlocked the door and walked out.

Almost immediately he was swarmed by the tearful parents, pleading and begging with him to take their child, their precious child. He grabbed the two children closest to the door and shoved them in. "Remember, don't open this door for at least a month!" he shouted his last advice to his son as his son dutifully shut the door. It was final. the crowd backed away, knowing that their pleas and begs would fall on deaf ears now. He walked through the crowd, with only one purpose.

He spotted her in the midst of the crowd, looking oddly serene and at peace. the crowd, knowing that their time was up, were bidding their final goodbyes to their loved ones. He waded through the crowd and positioned himself right in front of her. His beloved wife looked at him and whispered: "I'm sorry." "I love you." he whispered back, the first time in sixteen years since their marriage had he proclaimed his love for her. He held her hands, and together they said their final prayers, and recited their favourite bible verse. The look on her face was a peaceful one, and his mirrored hers. "I love you." he whispered that last time. "I love you too." she whispered back.

The missle hit.

***

copyrighted by ResidentLoudmouth XD
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Posted by Melissa
The MIA blogger is back!


But what should I blog about? I have no idea! Here's a peace offering though.




Chocolate chip cookies anyone?
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Posted by MD
Some pretty cool and creative excuses to why you didn't do your homework. Of course, some practical "tried-and'tested by yours truly" excuses would be listed down as well.

Funny Excuses
1) The dog ate my homework (this is classic!)
2) I sold my homework for RM100 to pay for my mother's kidney's operation (yes, someone in my class actually used this as an excuse...)
3) I was cold and ran out of firewood. So I used my homework as fuel.
4) I got robbed and all the robber wanted was my homework.
5) I realised that I left my bag on the schoolbus but the bus driver just shouted some words (which I would get into trouble if I repeated them) and drove off.
6) I did my homework in invisible ink. All you have to do is burn the book to make the ink visible again.
7) I ran out of toilet paper.

Real Excuses
1) I left my homework in my desk by accident and didn't get to finish it on time (this one WORKS!)
2) I had too much homework from the other teachers (not a good one, but I'm running out of real excuses)
3) I was sick.
4) My grandmother/grandfather/great-grandmother/twice-removed great-grandaunt's third son's uncle's third cousin died and I had to attend the funeral.

Final Note: Remember folks, when you don't do your homework, you have no homework :)

ResidentLoudmouth is a bad example for people out there XD
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Posted by Lii
Hey humans! Glad to see that this blog is finally making some progress. For convenience, all authors will tag themselves (or their code names) on their posts. (You can defy my galactical order for all I care). For me, I'd prefer to go undercover as LazyBones. Resident Loudmouth, I've tagged you as "louder", or rather, LoudR (Louder than the average Joe). Feel free to change it, though. I was just messing with your name. *Grins*

Anyway, I wanted to dedicate this post to 2 friends (one who's going down to Singapore on a scholarship and another who's going to UK). Here are a few tips for him to stand out among the crowd on the first day of school (or any other day, for this matter). Hopefully, he'll get into enough trouble for the principal to send him back home. Go, Ryan and Yi Cai! I know you have the guts to do these!

Freak the class:
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean...."

2. Wear earmuffs to class. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

3. When the teacher calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

4. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Li Qi Zhun. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.

5. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

6. Address the professor as "Your Excellency".

7. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence. (Ryan, I know you're very capable of this)

8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Ryan. Claim that the "N" is silent. If it's Smith, claim that the "I" is silent.

9. Treat everyone in the classroom like alien ambassadors and claim that you're heading an alien council. Say "Greetings" to everyone you meet. When the professor enters the room, below "Tremble before me, you puny Earthling!!!!!" Remember to rise ominously from your seat and point an accusing finger at the professor.

10. Spend the entire lesson blowing kisses to other students.

11. Stand to ask questions. Use a very strong English accent. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the teacher answers.

12. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

13. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell. Claim that "the end is coming" every few minutes.

14. Laugh like Daffy Duck while clapping your hands vigorously. Don't forget to jump around for added effects.

15. Sabotage and point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.

16. Claim that you see viruses thriving on your teacher's clothes. Offer to help pick out the viruses and keep them in your pocket. Complain later that the viruses are multiplying....

17. Sneeze on students in front of you and wipe your nose on your tie (or collar).

18. After walking into the classroom, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

19. When talking to your friends, gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a random person and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

20. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone talks to you, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

21. Mention in passing that you're wearing a rubber underwear.

22. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

23. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

24. Growl constantly and address your teacher as "matey".

25. Devote your math lessons to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask your teacher to "sit back and groove".

26. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.

27. Breathe like Darth Vader. Talk to an imaginary "angel" on your right shoulder. Address your classmates as your "minions".

28. Start a food fight in the canteen.

29. Twitch a lot.

30. Move your mouth when you're silent and move your mouth as little as possible when you talk.

Freak the roommates:
1. Fake a heart attack in the room. When your roommates get the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

2. Always flush the toilet 3 times.

3. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

4. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

5. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

6. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

7. Talk to yourself loudly in front of your roommate. After a while, begin discussing your roommate with yourself.

8. Complain of having a terrible virus in your system and cough at your roommate frequently.

9. Tell your roommate that it's your birthday--every day.

10. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

11. Take your roommate's pillow and put a water ballon inside of it.

12. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.

13. Call safety and security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.

14. Follow him/her around on weekends.

15. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.

16. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.

17. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

18. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.

19. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

20. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.

21. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.

22. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Where am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

24. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

25. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."

26. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native- American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.

27. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.

28. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

29. Walk and talk backwards.

30. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances. Constantly mutter "....the mothership is coming..."

LazyBones
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Posted by MD
ResidentLoudmouth messed and tinkered about with the Contributors column and came up with something called "About The Bloggers" instead. It has a slight description as well as the links to our profiles on it. If you don't like the descriptions I left there, please self-edit (except Ghee Ken of course, hehheh)... If you seriously preferred the older way of introducing ourselves, please let me know (albeit gently) and I'll get the older thing back for you. Just please let me know so that I can have a funeral for this gadget.. (sobs pathetically)

Yup that's all this post is about. I haven't garnered up enough tips about anything this holidays, so bear with me. Ghee Ken, post something already!!!

~out, ResidentLoudmouth, feelinghappywithherself~
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Posted by Lii
After so many posts about nonsensical babbling, it's time to come up with something serious.

Here, I've prepared a list of blunders by job applicants for everyone to see (don't use it in any job application process). If you plan on getting a job, I hope you learn from these past experiences.

If you're trying to screw up the process because you're a student (and your parents forced you to work), here are many creative ways to escape that job.

A Blunder In Itself
"Here is my resume for you to overlook" (they're all true):
Resume:
1. Candidate posted naked picture of himself.

Skills:
1. "Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail"
2. "I am great with the pubic."
3. "I have integrity, so I will not steal office supplies and take them home"

Objective :
1. ".....as the movie "Jerry Mcguire" puts it, "Show me the money"."
2. “I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrĂ©e consisting of more than soup.”
3. "Student today. Vice-president tomorrow." (This guy is pushing too much)
4. "Too become Overlord of the Galaxy!!!"
5. "What I'm looking for in a job : #1. Money, #2. Money, #3. Money."

Experience :
1. "Stalking, shipping and receiving."
2. "Have not been abducted by aliens yet."
3. "I have done service for an old man to check if he's still alive or not."
4. Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.
5. "Child care provider. Prepared lunches and snakes."

Achievements :
1. Nominated for prom queen.
2. National record for eating 45 eggs in 2 minutes.

Favourite activities :
1. Playing trivia games. I'm a repository of worthless knowledge.

Languages :
1. Speaks English and Spinach

Closer to home (from "Honk! If You're Malaysian"):
This is an excerpt from actual job application letters. There is an imaginary Human Resource Manager's (HRM) response after the excerpt.

Job Applicant : "I wants to apply a jobs in your company."
HRM : You want to apply for how many jobs? Don't be greedy. Apply for one at a time.
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Posted by MD
DISCLAIMER: DO THIS AT OWN RISK

How To POI
1) Stand up and say in a computerised voice: "You've got POI. You've got POI. You've got POI. You've got POI. You've got POI..."

2) Scream "POI SIR!!!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs and wave your hand about frantically in the air.

3) Push your chair back abruptly (make sure it topples over). When you catch your opponent's attention, state you question in just ONE breath.

4) Jump up and yell "I OBJECT!!!!!!!"

5) Yell "BUSHLAKHA!" at everything you disagree with.

6) Point a BB Gun at your opponents and say in the most dangerous voice you can muster: "Freeze and keep your trap shut or I'll shoot to kill."

7) In the event where one minute is not up yet, stare at the time keeper for as long as possible without blinking. Chant/Whisper weird mumbo jumbo like "Time shall now fly because I have
willed it to, one minute is now over, I shall mentally will it to be, at the snap of my fingers..."

8) Insist that the five minute mark ain't over yet even if it is.

How To Deny A POI
1) "SILENCE. OR I SHALL VAPOURISE THEE!"

2) "Down!" (opponent sits) "Good boy!"

3) "Who is the idiot in the parliament now? You, or me?"

4) "Kindly hold all POIs until after the five minute mark."

5) "NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!"

6) "You have the right to remain silent."

7) (Achmed the dead terrorist voice) "SILENCE! OR I KILL YOU!"

How To Take A POI
1) "Speak. You have FIVE SECONDS."

2) "Please remember that anything you say can be used as evidence against you. Proceed."

3) "Yes, I shall be a kind soul and allow your nonsense to be mentioned during MY precious time."

4) "I'm drunk and may misintepret your POI. POI at your own risk."

How To Regret A POI
1) "You are wasting my time with such nonsense."

2) "Speak anymore and you'll wake up tomorrow six feet under."

3) "You know what? When I took your POI I was being sarcastic."

4) "Oh go tell that to someone who cares!!!"

~ResidentLoudmouth:ZiYingisgonnagetphilosophical~
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Posted by Lii
After Resident Loudmouth's tips on how to screw up your debate, it's time to "balance" out the horrific effects.....

Things to do during an intense debate :

1. The first impression is always the most important. Give a powerful impression by starting like this : "...Hey, y'all! Howz'it goin', peeps...G-g-g-good morning to the adjudicators - all of whom I've bribed, the amazing timekeeper who can reverse time and work it to my advantage, my UNworthy opponents, my dogmatic cronies and their underhand tactics and members of the floor - *mumbles* who would be much better off ON the floor, instead of on chairs...."

2. Use the names of your country's top leaders. If you're up for it, mimic the way they talk for a greater effect.

3. Claim that you're a necromancer. Pause for a few seconds and stare straight into your opponents' eyes. Start laughing hysterically and talk in a high-pitched voice. Claim that you're now a puppet of Hitler and that you're out to take revenge.

4. When introducing your whip, say this "....and my whip will be whippin' those asses across the room who dare oppose us!!"

5. Do your entire speech in another language. Scream "Me no speakee Eeengreeesh!!" when questioned.

6. Clap twice after every 45 seconds to confuse your opponent. Deception is the keyword here.

7. Hum Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture the moment the debate starts. When any of your teammates POI, scream "Fastforward!!" and sing the climax as loud as you can.

8. Try to get everyone in the room to do the wave.

9. Talk to your imaginary friend named Bob in the middle of the debate. Bang the tables often so that everyone will pay attention to what Bob has to say. Say that they need medical attention if they can't see or hear Bob.

10. Make paper airplanes out of your debate notes. Aim them at your opponents' nostrils.

11. Convince everyone that you are actually a Bzk from planet Bzagoog. Make unintelligable noises for added effects.

12. Always say that your motion of the day is "This House Believes That The Chicken Crossed The Road". Don't correct yourself. Once a man has a plan, he sticks to it.

Creative POIs :
How to POI :
1. Get all your teammates to sing the ascending C major arpeggio. The 2nd speaker ALWAYS POIs for a fancier effect. End the POI by singing the descending C major arpeggio. Time is precious. Eat your opponents' time.

2. Rap when you give a POI. People love music.

3. Stand up abruptly and go on ranting about how your opponents' points conflicted with your religious beliefs.

4. Talk about Mao Zhe Dong and his life whenever you POI your opponents.

5. Claim that your opponents have used a seditious term/phrase. Bring in a lawyer as witness and file a law suit immediately.

6. Bring in cheerleaders to pressure your opponents.

7. Say : "Sir, I am actually a mediator between the President of the United States and the people of the world. The President has given orders to say that......"

8. Say : "I DEMAND that you grant me this POI, or I'm telling Santa Claus that you have been verryyyy naughty....*Grins evilly*"

9. "The aliens of Bzagoog has initiated contact with you EARTHLING SCUMS in this debate. Answer me, or I will go to your house and be "not so nice"."

10. Get all your teammates to hit the table as if it were drums. Get a tribal beat (DUM dum dum dum, DUM dum dum dum) and make your 1st speaker do a war cry similar to that of the Red Indians.

How to deny POIs :
1. Form a gun with your first 3 fingers. Bend 45 degrees to the side and say squeakily, "Denied." Do this until someone tells you to stop.

2. Look around you, bewildered. Say that you "heard a voice but can't see anything". Mutter something about the wind and continue with your speech. If your opponents are persistent, run around the room in circles to "get rid of the bad spirit".

3. Stare deep into the eyes of those who dare interrupt your speech. Say angrily, "I. Am. Thirstyyyy.....". Then, continue as if nothing happened.

4. Mock them as much as you can in a singsong voice : "I can't heeeeeeaaaaaaaar you...." Cover your ears to be more convincing.

5. Look about frantically and collect all your papers. Say that the double-zero agents have found you and that you need to leave the country immediately.

6. Shout "I have the secret documents!!" and shift the topic to the world-domination blueprints you've found in a rabbit-hole. Go on to claim that you have saved the world from a Bunny Invasion. Take all the credit for yourself.

7. Bring in a ventriloquist doll. Whenever you're POI-ed, lift up the doll and turn it's head slowly to face everyone in the room. Make the doll laugh and say that it "protects" you.

8. Start chanting the holy phrases. If you are continuously disturbed, sit on the table and strike the meditation position.

9. Switch the topic to fashion and say how good your opponents look. Mumble something about "that horrible watch the adjudicator is wearing".

10. Claim that your opponent has violated the laws of the universe and that he/she should not speak, or else a black hole will form in the center of the room.

11. Bring a water pistol into the debate. Shoot them with it and say, "At it, boy! Sit! Sit! Yeeeee-ha!!"

12. Throw water at them and shout "May the power of Christ compel you!!"

Might be continued by colleagues. =D


-LazyBones-
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Posted by MD
As The Government
1) Refer to your team members as your "cronies".
2) State that you strongly agree with the motion because you have no choice at all.
3) Refer to the opposition as "the idiots who don't know what they're talking about".
4) Define your motion in the stupidest way possible (eg. euthanasia is the act of cuddling penguins in Antartica while eating french fries)

As The Opposition
1) Refer to your first speaker as RPK.
2) State that you strongly oppose the motion because you are being paid to do so.
3) Refer to the government as "the people I'm arguing against".
4) Challenge the definition and parameter of the government with the reason "because I am supposed to oppose everything you say".

As Both Parties
1) Take or deny ALL POIs creatively (more on this in the future)
2) Greet the floor in this manner: "A very good morning - wait, is it morning? Oh yes it is - I bid to the the honorable adjudicators who should let me win because I AM the best, time keeper whom I've bribed to keep time in my favour, members of the government/opposition, and members of this crowded parliament. Can a few members leave before I start please? Thank you......"
3) Argue with the speaker if he or she denies your POI.
4) Bang your fists on the table as you speak.
5) Walk right up to the faces of your opponent and shout.
6) Throw in a few swear words for good measure.
7) Halfway through the debate, creep right up to your opponents and hand them a wad of cash. Stage whisper to them to screw the debate up.
8) Scream HALLELUJAH and high five your team members whenever your opponents say anything that you have predicted.
9) Stand up and give a detailed speech about the history of your life. Don't stop until you've gone overtime.
10) Shout "I KNOW I'M OVERTIME!!!" to the timekeepers when they signal for you to sit down.

And with that, this member of the parliament would leave before you start on how crappy this post was.

(Liiyung, Mel, and Gheek, if you get anymore weird ideas, please post as Part Two)

Thank you.

~ResidentLoudmouth:ZiYing~
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