Posted by Lii
After Resident Loudmouth's tips on how to screw up your debate, it's time to "balance" out the horrific effects.....

Things to do during an intense debate :

1. The first impression is always the most important. Give a powerful impression by starting like this : "...Hey, y'all! Howz'it goin', peeps...G-g-g-good morning to the adjudicators - all of whom I've bribed, the amazing timekeeper who can reverse time and work it to my advantage, my UNworthy opponents, my dogmatic cronies and their underhand tactics and members of the floor - *mumbles* who would be much better off ON the floor, instead of on chairs...."

2. Use the names of your country's top leaders. If you're up for it, mimic the way they talk for a greater effect.

3. Claim that you're a necromancer. Pause for a few seconds and stare straight into your opponents' eyes. Start laughing hysterically and talk in a high-pitched voice. Claim that you're now a puppet of Hitler and that you're out to take revenge.

4. When introducing your whip, say this "....and my whip will be whippin' those asses across the room who dare oppose us!!"

5. Do your entire speech in another language. Scream "Me no speakee Eeengreeesh!!" when questioned.

6. Clap twice after every 45 seconds to confuse your opponent. Deception is the keyword here.

7. Hum Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture the moment the debate starts. When any of your teammates POI, scream "Fastforward!!" and sing the climax as loud as you can.

8. Try to get everyone in the room to do the wave.

9. Talk to your imaginary friend named Bob in the middle of the debate. Bang the tables often so that everyone will pay attention to what Bob has to say. Say that they need medical attention if they can't see or hear Bob.

10. Make paper airplanes out of your debate notes. Aim them at your opponents' nostrils.

11. Convince everyone that you are actually a Bzk from planet Bzagoog. Make unintelligable noises for added effects.

12. Always say that your motion of the day is "This House Believes That The Chicken Crossed The Road". Don't correct yourself. Once a man has a plan, he sticks to it.

Creative POIs :
How to POI :
1. Get all your teammates to sing the ascending C major arpeggio. The 2nd speaker ALWAYS POIs for a fancier effect. End the POI by singing the descending C major arpeggio. Time is precious. Eat your opponents' time.

2. Rap when you give a POI. People love music.

3. Stand up abruptly and go on ranting about how your opponents' points conflicted with your religious beliefs.

4. Talk about Mao Zhe Dong and his life whenever you POI your opponents.

5. Claim that your opponents have used a seditious term/phrase. Bring in a lawyer as witness and file a law suit immediately.

6. Bring in cheerleaders to pressure your opponents.

7. Say : "Sir, I am actually a mediator between the President of the United States and the people of the world. The President has given orders to say that......"

8. Say : "I DEMAND that you grant me this POI, or I'm telling Santa Claus that you have been verryyyy naughty....*Grins evilly*"

9. "The aliens of Bzagoog has initiated contact with you EARTHLING SCUMS in this debate. Answer me, or I will go to your house and be "not so nice"."

10. Get all your teammates to hit the table as if it were drums. Get a tribal beat (DUM dum dum dum, DUM dum dum dum) and make your 1st speaker do a war cry similar to that of the Red Indians.

How to deny POIs :
1. Form a gun with your first 3 fingers. Bend 45 degrees to the side and say squeakily, "Denied." Do this until someone tells you to stop.

2. Look around you, bewildered. Say that you "heard a voice but can't see anything". Mutter something about the wind and continue with your speech. If your opponents are persistent, run around the room in circles to "get rid of the bad spirit".

3. Stare deep into the eyes of those who dare interrupt your speech. Say angrily, "I. Am. Thirstyyyy.....". Then, continue as if nothing happened.

4. Mock them as much as you can in a singsong voice : "I can't heeeeeeaaaaaaaar you...." Cover your ears to be more convincing.

5. Look about frantically and collect all your papers. Say that the double-zero agents have found you and that you need to leave the country immediately.

6. Shout "I have the secret documents!!" and shift the topic to the world-domination blueprints you've found in a rabbit-hole. Go on to claim that you have saved the world from a Bunny Invasion. Take all the credit for yourself.

7. Bring in a ventriloquist doll. Whenever you're POI-ed, lift up the doll and turn it's head slowly to face everyone in the room. Make the doll laugh and say that it "protects" you.

8. Start chanting the holy phrases. If you are continuously disturbed, sit on the table and strike the meditation position.

9. Switch the topic to fashion and say how good your opponents look. Mumble something about "that horrible watch the adjudicator is wearing".

10. Claim that your opponent has violated the laws of the universe and that he/she should not speak, or else a black hole will form in the center of the room.

11. Bring a water pistol into the debate. Shoot them with it and say, "At it, boy! Sit! Sit! Yeeeee-ha!!"

12. Throw water at them and shout "May the power of Christ compel you!!"

Might be continued by colleagues. =D


-LazyBones-
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