Posted by MD
Wow. Time sure flies. It's now the end of the year. And the FIFTIETH POST of this blog.

Yesh yesh. Nothing to boast about really, since we started this blog way back then in May. But hey, let us all take a moment of silence to commemorate this milestone in the life of our blog.

*silence*

Ok, now that that's over with. You see, MIA Blogger Mel once predicted that this blog would be dead after PMR when we run out of PMR tips to post about. BUT, as you can see, IT'S NOT DEAD yet.

Alright, enough about the blog crap. Now that the new year is almost over, normal people would make new year's resolution. But resolutions are meant to be broken, so I shan't make any XD

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY, AND HAVE A GREAT 2010!

PS: Black, I am holding your textbooks ransom. Bring a bag full of non-existent cash and meet me at the school hall on the first day of school. remember, bring nobody with you. The fate of your books lie in your hand.
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Posted by Lii
Hello, LazyBones is back. This is a question my new-found friend asked me, to which I gave a stupid answer which made sense (or so I thought). Anyway, I'm not bothered by what you're going to think after reading this, as it's most probably going to be the same as the angels' reaction.

Daoliang: There are 2 identical doors with 2 identical angels. One door leads to heaven, the other to hell; one angel always tells the truth, the other always lies. You have to ask only one question to get to heaven. What is the question?

Me: If 0 is left, 1 is right, 2 is heaven and 3 is hell, what is the two-digit mathematical equation to go to the best place God ever created? [Explanation : the answer needs to include the direction and the destination. The liar will include number 3 in the equation because he is lying about the best place God created. Now you know who to believe, and you can go in the correct direction]

Daoliang: You know what the angels will do? They'll say "WTF!", open hell's door and throw you inside.

Since the dubbed "correct" answer cannot successfully pinpoint the angel that is lying, I'm still going to stick to my mathematical equation which can determine the liar and the correct doorway, whether the angels throw me in the wrong direction or not. Then, I'm going to report those bloody "angels" who swear. Tsk tsk. They need to get creative even when they're annoyed.

;P
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Posted by Melissa

It's the same picture, just rotated.

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Posted by MD
1) Diplomatic immunity.

2) Visa for all countries.

3) A red and white christmas suit kinda like the one he's wearing now, except in a lighter material for hot tropical countries.

4) A license for a reindeer sleigh - recognised in all countries.

5) Diet health food. Santa finds it hard to fit into his sleigh because of his huge tummy.

6) A present factory. Then he can fire all those annoying elves and work solo.

7) An email address that automatically replies every email he gets.

8) A new secret warehouse location. Now that everyone knows about the North Pole, it ain't so secret no more.

9) A shave. Beards are so last season XD

10) A law that says every house in the world must have a chimney.

11) Another law that forbids all households from lighting the fire on christmas eve.

12) A chiaropracter. Lugging presents around is no easy job for an old man.

13) A jet-powered sleigh. FIRE THE REINDEERS!

14) Books, titled: "How To Say 'I Am Santa' In All The Languages In The World".

15) Weather checking thingy. To check the weather around the world.

16) Handbook. "Packing Light Made Easy."

17) Panadol.

18) A fashion sense.

19) A cure for the fear of heights.

20) MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!
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Posted by MD
I shall now defend myself on my weird habit of betting with rolls and rolls of toilet paper, which started when a friend introduced me to such an unusal betting chip.

WHY IT IS MOST ADVISABLE TO BET WITH TOILET PAPER INSTEAD OF CASH
1) You'll never go bankrupt.

2) You'll never experience the heartache of the money you love sifting through your fingers like grains of sand.

3) It's not illegal. People get suspicious when you hand someone else money after an event, but who says you can't give toilet paper to others as a gift?

4) It's useful. You never know when you'll need to go, and money can NEVER replace toilet paper on such occasions.

5) It's good for pranks. You can toilet paper a person's car/house/school bag, but you NEVER "cash" someone's personal belongings.

6) You'll always have one no matter how poor you are. Even if you're cashless, you always gotta have toilet paper with you, dontcha? And if you can't even afford toilet paper, don't bother betting.

7) It's weird unique.

8) It's weird funny.

9) It's weird an eye opener.

10) It's entertaining. It's not funny to see someone lug around a huge bag of cash, but toilet paper just makes the hardest of hearts melt.

On that note, I want my one pack of toilet paper on the very first day of school, Lazybones XD
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Posted by MD
Yes, the bloggers at We Write Anything DIDN'T write anything again. Just like the header suggests. You wanna know why? Well, I'll tell you why even if you don't wanna know.

Well...
Mel the MIA Blogger is MIA-ing as usual.
Black the new kid on the block has only posted ONCE.
Lazybones is on holiday like what she said in her latest post (well, the first paragraph. everything after that didn't make sense).
And yours truly ResidentLoudmouth is being quiet for once.

And yeah, we have writer's block as well.

So here's the explanation I owe you people. Now we owe you nothing XD

I'm silent for once, ain't you glad? XD
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Posted by MD
I don't think I can find a way to match Lazybones utterly nonsensical yet hilariously entertaining post, so I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to write in the biggest most colourful vocabulary I know and can spell in an attempt to confuse all you readers out there.

Okay, maybe not. But I AM going to post about one of my favourite things of all time. MONEY. And the people who collect them. TREASURERS. (cue sound effects $ KACHING! $)

CHECKLISTS
Early signs that you are treasurer material
1) You love money.
2) "I love money" is your life motto.
3) The person who invented money is your idol.
4) You want to murder Bill Gates for his money.
5) You love counting money.
6) You love the smell of money.
7) You love the sound of money.
8) You love the feel of money.
9) Swimming in cash has always been your lifelong dream.
10) You are trustworthy and have enough morales to know the difference between right and wrong.
Note: Number 10 is a MUST or you would just end up being another nutcase who is thoroughly obssessed with money.

Job descriptions for a treasurer
1) Full-time money-counter.
2) Full-time money-collecter.
3) Full-time money-keeper.
4) Full-time teacher's banker.
5) Part-time money-lender.
6) Part-time money-exchanger.
7) Part-time ATM.
8) Part-time "lunch buyer" (as in you buy stuff for people).
9) Part-time insurance agent (you have to replace the lost money)
10) Full-time loanshark.
Note: Number 10 is a MUST or dealing with difficult students would be, well, difficult.

Signs that shout "QUIT YOUR STRESSFUL TREASURER JOB"
1) You carry all your money in coins.
2) You pay the teachers in coins.
3) You forget that coins are round.
4) You fold all your bills into small little hearts.
5) You reject money under certain circumstances (one SHOULD NEVER reject money)
6) You feel sick at the sight of money.
7) You never ever wanna count another dollar bill in your life.
8) You change all your cash into 50 cent coins.
9) You play and talk to those 50 cent coins.
10) You label all your coins by gluing strips of paper onto them.
Note: The above is exactly the reason why ResidentLoudmouth refuses to be a treasurer ever again despite her love of money XD
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Posted by Lii
I'm in Singapore and this blog has not been updated for 4 days. Bravo, my friends! Bravo! Since my cousins are with me at this particular moment, I can afford to present to you a new kind of entertainment *drum rolls* I call this the One-Sentence Game!!!! (Yes, you've heard of this before). 2 people would be adding nonsense into this game.

Hypothesis : Everything that doesn't'make sense is written by my younger cousin =D

One day, a man slipped on a banana skin. Then he bruised his leg. He went screaming to the hospital walking on his hands. Then he slipped on another banana skin and bruised his other leg. He miraculously thought of sitting on the banana skin to slide to the hospital. He accidentally fell down again. A desperate shopwoman forced him to eat oysters on the way to the hospital. Aliens came down and zapped him in the underwear. Apparently, this shopwoman was in allegiance with the one and only JEDOS, Jupiter-ian Emperor DOg Scum. Then, the man summoned to aliens to zap the evil shopwoman to ash. Suddenly, he saw a lion. I forgot to mention to you that the man's name was Mr Low Ai Kiu (low IQ). The lion wanted to eat him up. So the man decided to bribe the lion by taking off his shirt. The lion opened its mouth wide to swallow the man when it suddenly knocked down a huge nest of angry hornets that flew straight into its mouth, knocking it out. Mr Low Ai Kiu, as his name suggests, pointed to the sky and screamed, "It's a plane!!!" when "the plane" was obviously a giant comet heading in the direction of Jasitufgweruifd, our planet. Suddenly, the lion reincarnated and opened its mouth, letting out the angry hornets that flew at the man and chased him threateningly.

The comet mentioned earlier crashed down and released an army of Looney Tunes characters, clearly under the command of the mentally-challenged JEDOS, who is not taking any action. Without warning, the comet hit Jasitufgweruifd, not only releasing the Looney Tunes characters, but also accidentally crushing the bees and causing destruction to the entire universe. Mr Low screamed "It's the end of the world!!!!" and got blown away by the comet. Mr Low is finally dead and JEDOS commands everyone to laugh, including you. Someone must kill JEDOS, right? Yes, and apparently, only our part of the universe is still in tact, prompting me to summon the exiled Plutonites to kill JEDOS as revenge (JEDOS tortures Plutonites). A Plutonite has found that JEDOS has a secret weapon called an AllSpark, which has the power to destroy the world. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck quickly deviced a plan to steal the AllSpark and finish JEDOS once and for all.

So, BB and DD went to Jupiter and found that JEDOS flew back before them and was having a nap, giving them opportunity to steal the AllSpark. The AllSpark was nicely placed in a glass box in the middle of his room, with laser and booby traps strategically placed. BB and DD managed to get through all the traps to the retrieve the AllSpark, when all the traps disappeared. JEDOS's bodyguard suddenly appeared out of thin air and woke JEDOS up. JEDOS chanted a magic mantra to open up the floor to trap BB and DD. BB and DD clinged on to dear life when DD quickly shot JEDOS through the heart with AllSpark.

That's why we all view Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck as our heroes. Note that I am BB and my cousin is DD. Now, tremble before us, your saviours. When I come back from S'pore, I expect a full-blown ceremony to honour my great deeds. And when you come to S'pore, you must visit my cousin and bow to him.

Epilogue:
JEDOS is now dead, and we are rejoicing. JEDOS's bodyguards fell through the floor during the epic battle and are now dead as well. Mr Low Ai Kiu has been revived by the Tasmanian Devil and has been sent to the hospital to check and remove his brain. Apparently, the doctors were worried about the emptiness in his head and so replaced his brain with otak-otak (otak means brain, but otak-otak means food). Mr Low's surname has been changed to High, courtesy of the doctors in the hospital, and is now known as High Ai Kiu (although we know that this is not true).

Conclusion:
The nonsensical sentences were not written by my cousin. They were written by yours truly. Our hypothesis is not accepted. Experiment fail!

PS: The universe has been saved!

PPS: No JEDOSs were harmed in the making of this story, but you still need to honour BB's and DD's deeds, because we saved the universe.

-LazyBones and NichXian-
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Posted by MD
This is a somewhat "personal post" (it's drawn from my experiences). And I hope that the reader who requested for personal posts is now satisfied. well this is a post designed to show you what happens when Murphy's Law happens in your life. XD

Scenario:
You're sitting at home lazing about on a perfect day when your dad rushes out after informing you that the place you think of as a second home was on fire.

This is Murphy's Law at it's very best:
1) You desperately want to go along but your dad sped off before you could open your mouth and you ended up walking there.
2) You discover that four of your friends were inside the building when the fire began.
3) The one who first noticed the fire was a notorious prankster.
4) The (very few) men who could carry the fire extinguishers couldn't make it into the rooms because it was too dark. And it was too dangerous to enter when they finally got a torchlight.
5) Majority of the people didn't want to enter the building/couldn't operate a fire extinguisher.
6) The one person who REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to enter the building was a scrawny, five-foot-two teenaged girl. Who DEFINITELY is not strong enough to carry a fire extinguisher with one hand while working the nozzle with the other.
7) The fire brigade was called THREE times.
8) The fire engine got lost on it's way there.
9) It took the fire engine TWENTY MINUTES to get to the building and another TWO MINUTES to find the fire hydrant.
10) The fire brigade only had TWO oxygen tanks.
11) The firemen had no torchlight.

And this is when Murphy's Law stops:
1) The damage was only contained to two rooms. No other area was affected.
2) We have insurance XD

ResidentLoudmouth is (trying to be) an eternal optimist, but still feels that life could be simpler XD
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Posted by Lii
Confusing hypocritical guides (obfuscated fumblerules) on how to write a good essay.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. One should never generalize.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

15. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

16. The passive voice is to be avoided.

17. Who needs rhetorical questions?

18. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than an understatement.

19. Don't use no double negatives.

20. capitalize every sentence and remember to always end it with point

21. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

22. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

23. A writer must not shift your point of view.

24. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

25. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!

26. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

27. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

28. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

29. Always pick on the correct idiom.

30. Eschew obfuscation, espouse elucidation.

Lazybones is hearing echoes between her ears. Being braindead isn't fun.
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Posted by Melissa
Warning : Super long post ahead! Read only if you have the time to spare.

Being British is about driving in a Korean car to an Irish pub where we drink a Dutch beer. On the way home we pick up an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab. Then we sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Most of all we're very suspicious of anything foreign.

More than that, only in Britain can you get a pizza quicker than an ambulance; only in Britain do banks leave both doors open, but chain the pens to the counter; only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can get their fags at the front.

We might be British, but you can't deny that we're funny.

Certainly not true a lot of ballyhoo?

-

Only the English could have invented this language.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

People recite at a play but play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

I would like to add that if people from Poland are called Poles then people from Holland should be called Holes and the Germans should be called Germs!!

-

Wonderful English from Around the World

In a Bangkok Temple,
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor ' s office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .

Tokyo hotel ' s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON



If you made it here after reading all of the above, kudos to you!
Hope you enjoyed it :D
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Posted by MD
A few reasons to Why You Should Sit Next To A Complete Stranger The Next Time You're At The Cinemas that will (hopefully) have you nodding your heads in agreement and rethinking your seating arrangements at the next movie.

1) It is a new experience.
It is wonderful how people can just click together if they have a common interest. Sitting next to a complete stranger in a cinema opens a whole new opportunity to make a new friend. Conversation openers can vary from the weather to the movie you're both watching.
This only works if the person next to you is
a) very lonely
b) very talkative
c) very bored with the movie

2) You don't have your friends asking you on your opinion of the movie every five seconds.
Say you're the complete opposite of a chatterbox. you STILL can choose to sit next to a completely random stranger simply because you'd like to watch the movie in peace. You can be almost certain that you won't be getting any spoilers from your friends during the movie. And there would be no one to ask you if you think Taylor Lautner or Megan Fox is hot every five seconds. And no one - I repeat, NO ONE - would be stealing your popcorn.
This only works if the person next to you is
a) a loner
b) very boring
c) absolutely mute

3) You can do things your friends would never let you do.
There are many things one would like to do in a cinema. But of course, we can't always get what we want, and there's always the fear that your friends and family would disown you for embarassing them. And they'd never ever want to be seen with you in public again. Sitting next to completely random strangers gives you the freedom to do whatever you want, including
a) filming the movie secretly
b) getting drunk in the theater

4) You can play tricks on that completely random unsuspecting stranger.
Usually, one plays tricks on someone they know. Sitting next to a stranger guarantees you that you will not be their firsl suspect EVER. No guarantees about being the second suspect though.
You can do things like
a) annoy the person sitting in front of you (maybe the stranger would even help you)
b) make your phone ring every five minutes and everytime it rings, accuse the stranger next to you (loudly) of being an insensitive jerk.
c) lean over to the stranger, sneak your hand behind his back and tap his shoulder (on the side further away from you)

5) You can eavesdrop on their conversations with their friends
After eavesdropping on their conversation, you can blog about it without fear that you would be discovered. Where else can you hear and blog about things like
a) "NO!!!! BUMBLEBEE!!! DON'T OPEN THAT BOX!"
b) "RUN FASTER BELLA!!!"
c) "OHMYGOSH BELLA'S BOOBS ARE DAMN BIG!"

As observed by ResidentLoudmouth XD
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Posted by Lii
Please be warned that the following paragraphs are harmful to your health. You may experience terrible fits of laughter especially after the words. Parental supervision is recommended in case you die of laughter.

A lot of us put photos of ourselves on the Internet. We all think that everyone out there would respect our privacy and not do anything with our pictures. Many of us have this perception that if our pictures are not nude, it's still alright to show your face to the world. But really, when the media says that your pictures on the Net are not safe, they mean it. And you don't want to know how bad it gets.

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you should never put your pictures on the internet.



Brace yourself from hysterical laughter.




It starts with something innocent like this... (you can click on the images to enlarge them, you know?)


Then, it advances......


















Unfortunately for you, the last image was supposed to be animated. But there's something wrong with the picture after uploading it. Tell you what...just imagine that poor boy (in a woman's body) move seducingly in an "S" shape. Remember to mentally play Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment" in your head while you're at that. Delicious, isn't it?



LazyBones
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